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man comes home to find his wife packing her bags.
‘Where
are you going?’ he asked.
WOMEN:
‘To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay
me $400 to do what I do for you for free!’
The
man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his
bags.
‘What
do you think you are doing?’ she screamed.
MAN ‘Going
to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a year!’
A worried man telephoned his family doctor and said that he
was afraid that his teenaged son had come down with AIDS. He said to the
doctor, “He hasn’t had sex with anyone but the maid, so it has to be her
who has transmitted the disease to him.’
‘Don’t
worry so much,’ advised the doctor. ‘These things happen.’
‘I
know, doctor,’ said the man, ‘but I have to admit that I’ve been sleeping
with the maid also. I seem to have the same symptoms.’
‘That’s
unfortunate.’ the doctor said.
‘Not
only that, I think I’ve passed it to my wife.’ man said
‘Oh
God,’ said the doctor, ‘That means we all have it.’
A 30 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge the judge asked her, “What did you steal?”
She
replied: “ A box of apples”.
The
judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was
hungry.
The
judge then asked her how many apples were in the box. She replied, “10”.
The
judge then said, “I will give you 10 days in jail.”
Before
the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the judge’s wife spoke
up and asked the judge if she could say something.
He said,
“What is it?”
Judge’s
wife said “She also stole an apple box.”
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an
old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.”
The
next day it rained.
A week
later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.”
The
next day there was a hailstorm.
“This
Indian is incredible,” said the director. He told his secretary to hire
the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful
predictions, the old Indian didn’t show up for two weeks.
Finally
the director sent for him. “I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said
the director, “and I’m depending on you. What will the weather be like?”
The
Indian shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know,” he said. “Radio broken.”
GOLDEN QUOTES
“Between men and women there is
no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no
friendship”. -Oscar Wilde
“When
we turn to one another for counsel we reduce the number of our enemies,
thus increase friends”. -Kahlil Gibran
“Hope
is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty
that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”- Vaclav Havel
“A man
of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are portals of discovery”. –Unknown
“Don’t
throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds
water”.
-Unknown
“The
customs and fashions of men change like leaves on the bough, some of
which go and others come”.-Dante
Alighieri
“In my
youth, I stressed freedom, and in my old age I stress order. I have made
the great discovery that liberty is a product of order: - Will Durant
“The
best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time”.-Abraham Lincoln
“The
best advice I can give is to ignore advice. Life is too short to be
distracted by the opinions of others”. -Russel
Edson
“Just
as a tree without roots is dead, a people without history or culture also
becomes a dead people”. -Malcolm X
“My basic principle is that you
don’t make decisions because they are easy; you don’t make them because
they are cheap; you don’t make them bcause they are popular; you make
them because they’re RIGHT”.-Theodore
Hesburgh
“If you go to work on your
goals, your goals will go to work on you.If you go to work on your plan,
your plan will go to work on you.Whatever good things we build end up
building us”. - Jim Rohn
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